Just Around the Next Corner

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By my mid-twenties, I was itching to move forward with life — to get married, to start that family. But I was getting incredibly impatient. All but a small handful of my friends were married by then and most of them had two or more children. The years of our early twenties had been filled with such an overwhelming drive toward pairing up, it was almost comical. My friends went to psychics to find out when they were going to meet The One.

With 12222 just around the corner, it’s time to get planning

They wailed at the pain of still being single at They kept lists of names for their future babies. I, too, had such a deep, deep desire to experience a healthy partnership with someone. I, too, wanted to get married and have a couple children. In my impatience to find this partnership, I often threw myself into inappropriate relationships — the sexually unfulfilling fling with a musician , for instance, or passionate but brief dalliances with a few men with whom I had a physical attraction but nothing more.

My guy, as it turned out, was not just around the corner, after all. I finally earned my B. A month after that, my younger sister also married. At her ceremony, when she went to throw the bouquet, she locked eyes with me, and I realized she was going to try to throw it to me. Neither of us had ever put much stock into such silly rituals, but I knew she knew I was discouraged and lonely and this was her way of giving me a boost.

Unfortunately, I had brought the teenager I was mentoring at the time as my plus one. A few years later, when she was 19, she got married. The bouquet thing actually works, as it turns out…. A few months into my relationship with my last partner, I visited a psychic. I was having health problems and wanted some advice. She told me what I already knew my 2nd chakra was watery and slow, my 4th chakra had a leak , but then segued into a vision about a blonde man she was seeing in my energetic field.

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Corner - Definition for English-Language Learners from Merriam-Webster's Learner's Dictionary

Well, shit , I thought. There goes my intention to not talk about relationships. It was just too much. All the angst I had seen — and experienced — was overwhelming. I wanted to let go of the feeling that becoming a wife and mother were the only important things to accomplish in this world.

Surely, there was something else to do, something else to think about it. She told me that she was only guided to say one thing: That I should just have fun and not worry about the future. I was mostly satisfied with that. For a long time after my breakup, no one ever mentioned dating, sex, or love to me.

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Even if I brought it up, the subject would usually change pretty quickly. I stopped feeling pressure to marry — or even to have a fling. No one but my dad seemed to care about my love life. And that was mostly fine with me. It took me a long time to recover from my last relationship and I was happy to have the space in which to do that.

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And…just as they had done in my twenties, people began throwing hopeful predictions my way:. I appreciate these kinds of comments so very much — in some ways, they really feed my heart. But I also find them exhausting. Love, great sex, a daughter, an agent, a publishing deal… I wish I could feel less driven to seek these things out.

In a way, I feel like I did all right. I tried to keep a loose hold on it all. I tried to respect the mystery of the process.

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